


Maybe Someday

by lexaisdead



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:17:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6521395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexaisdead/pseuds/lexaisdead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: Takes place after 307, only Lexa doesn't get shot and Clarke leaves Polis somewhat peacefully. Also the coalition hadn't happened so Abby doesn't know if Clarke is safe or not. I don't praise my writing but I hope others will able to gain some enjoyment out of it. Thank you for reading.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Maybe Someday

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Takes place after 307, only Lexa doesn't get shot and Clarke leaves Polis somewhat peacefully. Also the coalition hadn't happened so Abby doesn't know if Clarke is safe or not. I don't praise my writing but I hope others will able to gain some enjoyment out of it. Thank you for reading.

When Clarke had seen Lexa rush into her room, closing the door swiftly behind her, she'd only thought it were to say goodbye but that was over half an hour ago and she really should've left for Arkadia by now but when Lexa had approached her so carefully, with such a tender look in her eye, softly reaching and then clinging to her arm, she'd just been so taken back by the sincerity of it all. And then one thing led to another and she found themselves sharing too many brief but longing kisses and too many moments gazing into each other's eyes for a second too long to be deemed appropriate for a goodbye. And now here they were, struggling to keep it together as the inevitable was about to occur.

"Love is irrelevant to us." She heard the words come out of Lexa's mouth and she knew it was her way of coping, some kind of defence mechanism. Telling herself love isn't seen relevant to someone like her because of their role in this world, and Clarke so strongly disagrees but she doesn't want to leave this on a negative note so she gives her a closed lip smile, not even close to reaching her eyes and nods.

"The needs of others, our own people, come first. I know. I understand." And she knows, she does understand.

"Clarke." She can hear the pleading in Lexa's voice, the true meaning behind her words, begging her not to continue because the more she says, the more it's going to hurt. And she doesn't think she's seen or will ever see Lexa so vulnerable again. She's usually so stoic, Clarke would find it overwhelming if the circumstances were different. And the truth of it all is that they're never going to truly belong to one another whilst their people look to them for guidance, they're always going to be put in the situation of having to choose between their own happiness or the safety and wellbeing of their people. If it were another universe, another time when the sun would shine down on their faces and leave the innocence of a child instead of the scars of a beaten warrior then maybe, just maybe they'd choose each other.

"I'll miss you." The weight of her words weigh on heavy on her lips and she wants to be able to say what she truly feels, but she couldn't leave it with 'I love you' or 'I want you' because she doesn't know if there will ever be a continuation of their story, whether their people will ever be independent or safe enough for them to be able to stray. And this might be the end and she doesn't think she can leave it on something so tragic, she couldn't deal with the harsh memories that it'd no doubt bring along with her as she leaves Polis. And she can see in the way Lexa's eyes show disappointment but understanding that she feels the same way.

"Goodbye, Clarke." And then she's gone and Clarke is left alone, in the room she has occupied over the last few weeks during her stay in Polis. She's always going to regret not saying more, not fighting for them, not saying that they can do this no matter how hard. And that's it. She's always going to regret the way they left things, she's always going to carry around this heavy feeling of guilt and it's going to burden her, it's going to make her feel like shit but that's the way things always seem to work. But then someday does exist and maybe their someday will be together and it's enough to give anyone hope even if it's just a slither.

Before she slips away without notifying the guards, she writes a little note 'Someday.' and places it on the soft furs that would lull her into a deep sleep every night, in hope that Lexa will return a little while later.

####

She was awoken with the pelting of the rain against her skin, the rain drops falling harshly, bouncing off of her arms before slowly evaporating. The dried mud that'd once covered her entire body for days has slowly began to run away seeking an escape route, and she cannot remember the last time she'd been able to bathe at all, the need for food and safety had overpowered everything else and now as she brings a hand to comb her newly soaked hair with her fingers she realises how much she misses feeling of engulfed by the water.

Whilst in space, Clarke hadn't ever given a second thought to the concept of rain, of how the clouds above Earth would produce water and nourish the ground below, the ground she never thought she'd have the pleasure of saying she'd stood on.

Leaving Polis, leaving Lexa hadn't been easy but staying there, knowing they can't have each other because of the needs of others filled her with a raging anger. A selfish anger, an anger she knew she should be able to contain. Originally, when she had left Polis she had planned to travel back to Arkadia but one thing led to another and here she was lying on the cold, hard dirt probably close to catching hypothermia but she can't bring anything inside of herself to care. She knows she needs to go back to Arkadia, to help Octavia overrule Pike but it's been days since Octavia had expected her to arrive and she remembers her words so clearly and maybe she isn't the person everyone expects her to be, maybe she never was.

####

The rain continued to come down in massive downpours and then halted to a sudden stop, immediately leaving Clarke with the silence of birds tweeting to lull her back into a disturbed slumber. When she awakens again, she finds herself in darkness, the only source of light being the moon illuminating the forest around her.

The sound of ruffles coming from the bushes behind her, startles her and she quickly jumps to her feet. She can faintly hear someone mumbling in Trigedasleng, she assumes it's just hunters looking for food and settles against the nearest tree trunk. She isn't really able to see more than a foot ahead of her so she settles for star gazing... or what little she could do so of it due to the sky being mostly covered by thick, black clouds.

"Hod op!" She knows very little Trigedasleng but her stay in Polis had led to Lexa teaching her the basics so she'd be able to communicate with the villagers and trade what little she had with them (something Lexa had constantly reminded her wasn't necessary) so when she hears the voices she'd just previously heard, only much closer to her, she starts to panic. She no longer carries her gun with her, only the small dagger that Lexa had gifted her with so she could do some hunting and she knows if the Grounders are hunting her down to kill her, she stands little to no chance at all of surviving. So she opts for a weak attempt at hiding, hoping they'll vanish into thin air. But magic doesn't exist and apparently neither does her attempt at hiding, she'd thought she'd gotten a little better at hiding since she'd arrived on Earth but she doesn't think she's ever been more wrong.

"Wanheda." She doesn't know where the voice comes from but she does know she's in their vision line and tries to subtly scan her surroundings but Clarke hasn't ever really known the definition of subtle.

"Heda is looking for you. You did not return to Arkadia." Another voice says and she recognises it as the voice of Tiga, one of Lexa's warriors of whom she'd seen occasionally.

"Myself not returning to Arkadia holds no concern of Heda. I will uphold my end of the deal and that is all she needs to know." With the way she was speaking, many would assume she still holds some kind of hostility towards Lexa but that's far from the truth. She just misses her, she misses the way her skin feels so soft, the way she noticed that hed eyes soften whenever they place themselves on her and she's angry because as soon as she came to her stupid fucking senses, she had to let her go and it's so beautifully tragic how they had to promise each other someday because today wasn't enough.

"But Heda said we must escort you to Arkadia. To guarantee a safe arrival."

"Tell Lexa, if she wants to guarantee me a safe arrival to Arkadia, she must deliver me herself." She'd quickly grew tired of using Heda to address Lexa, formality was never really her thing.

"Heda said that wasn't no longer deemed appropriate. She didn't specify a reason." Clarke just nods, she'd quickly grown tired of this conversation and now she just wants out all together.

"I know how stubborn Lexa can be," The warriors seemed uncomfortable by her use of informality, always frowning a little before swiftly becoming stoic again whenever she used the name Lexa. "so I won't protest. Lead the way, my knights in shining armour." They clearly didn't pick up on her use of sarcasm and she finds herself chuckling.

####

The journey to Arkadia was much quicker than she'd expected. She had originally prepared herself for a day or so of walking but Lexa must've supplied the warrior's with enough horses for them all. The ride, however, wasn't at all pleasant and as she jumped off of the horse she'd been riding to approach the Arkadia gates, she wasn't sure if she could even feel her ass. Before she entered, she told the warrior's to pass on the message to Lexa that'd they'd arrived safely but she'd been cut off with them telling her "Heda told us, we must stay." And with that, she knew shouldn't and really couldn't protest.

As she walked through the gates, she's glad nobody seem to make a big deal out of her return. It meant she could slip away to find her mother without others asking where she'd been. Much to her pleasure, Abby was easily located in the medical bay, that seems to have been upgraded since she was last here. When Abby became aware of her presence, she modelled a look of shock on her facial features like she'd just seen a ghost before engulfing her into a bear hug, before Clarke knew it her shirt was clinging to her shoulder from quite clearly being somewhat damp from tears.

"You're here," The way Abby has to croak it out makes Clarke feel like everything would be easier if the ground spilt in half and swallowed her whole. "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again." And that's enough to make Clarke hate herself for not saying goodbye, and she can feel her eyes beginning to burn, tears threatening to spill. But she can't. She isn't here for a jolly family reunion.

Clarke was expecting Abby to ask her where she'd been and she was dreading having to answer but the question didn't seem to come and she was grateful. "We need to talk." There isn't anything just quite like jumping in when the waters already piping hot.

####

Explaining to Abby how Pike wasn't fit enough to be chancellor had been easy, but she supposes that Abby always knew that deep down, she imagines her mom trying to convince everyone otherwise. She had just told Clarke that she was going to find Marcus and discuss this all with him before leaving her alone in the medical bay. Clarke's thankful that there doesn't appear to be many patients and the ones that are actually occupying a handful of beds happen to be sound asleep, the sound of shallow breaths and the insistent beeping of heart monitors surrounding her.

And then she's left with her thoughts, and 'oh god' she thinks as they begin to stray to things she'd rather avoid. But it's too late, she's already thinking about Lexa and it's crazy because she realises she almost told the girl she loved her before she left and she didn't think that we're possible, not weeks before she had brought a dagger, the same dagger she happened to be carrying with her right now, to her throat almost certain she'd follow through and kill her and she finds herself violently shaking her head, hoping the thoughts will shatter and disappear whilst doing so. But it doesn't work, of course it doesn't.

Thankfully, Abby had returned just before her thoughts could continue and torture her until she was a quivering mess. "So," Marcus is now standing by her, she notes he's standing a little too close to be considered anything along the lines of friendly but she scolds herself instantly because that isn't important. "How do we do this?" And there it is, the million dollar question... which she doesn't actually know the answer to, yet. She has an idea but it'll involve herself and Octavia convincing Bellamy that Pike isn't an angel sent from God himself and she's not even sure she'll be able to do it and she's been told many atimes that she has some really persuasive qualities.

"First of all, find Bellamy and Octavia. Then meet me outside of the gates."

####

Just outside the gates she can just faintly see a large sized tent, she assumes it's the warrior's Lexa sent setting up base, with a roaring fire outside of it, and starts making her way over to it. She figures they'll be able to find her easy enough, it isn't as if she's fleeing the country although she kind of wishes she were. "Wanheda," she hears Tiga greet her before she has even reached them.

"I've just came to see how you are doing. Do you happen to need anything?"

"No, Mochof."

"Very well," Clarke ponders a little before continuing, unsure of whether they'll be able to fufil her wishes but she figures it'll do no harm by asking. "Would you possibly be able to pass on a message to Lexa for me?"

"We shall try our best, Sha."

"If I have not returned to Polis within two weeks, will you ask her if she'll care to take a little visit to Arkadia?" They don't say anymore, apart from just a brief nod and she takes that as her cue to leave. In the distance she can see Abby, Marcus and the Blake siblings making their way towards her so she picks up her pace.

####

Two Weeks Later

If Lexa hadn't arrived outside of the gates awaiting entrance like she'd asked, she wouldn't have guessed two weeks to have past. To her, it had only seemed like a couple days. But she'd been busy, everyone had. And now here she was, herself and many others stood crowded in the a shape of a circle.

"Pike kom Skaikru." Lexa spoke the words with a bitter expression on her face, as if she'd just bitten into a fresh lemon.

"You shall suffer the many deaths, of every innocent soul, yourself and your clan slaughtered."

"One cut for each and every soul." At this point Lexa was no longer looking directly at him but at everyone else who were watching, twirling her sword around in one hand and then using the other to beckon the families of the fallen over.

"You may have the honour." She says, passing them her sword, which Clarke knows very well that she'd freshly sharpened it not many minutes before. Afterwards, she scans the crowd trying to pick Clarke out, once she finds her she begins to make her way over to her.

"You have done well, Clarke kom Skaikru." The remnants of a smirk playing on her lips, remembering completely that Clarke hates it when she uses formality in addressing her. In return she catches Clarke sending her a deep scowl, and she honestly can't help the light chuckle that escapes her lips.

"Thanks, Lexi." Okay, so maybe it isn't really the time to be playing ping pong and throwing irritable comments back and fourth, and it isn't really the image that Lexa wants to set for herself because she's Heda but she is making sure their interactions are only audible to each-other. In that moment she grabs Clarke's hand, fully aware and completely sure nobody is looking and rubs it affectionately with the pad of her thumb. She's knows this wasn't easy on her and that she only did so because she had to, she admires her greatly for that. She always will.

####

After everything that had happened with Pike, her and Lexa had agreed it'd be best for her to return to Polis with her and after many persuasive techniques she'd managed to get her mother also to agree. She feels safe in Polis, like it's the home she never had. Of course, since everything that had happened between her and Lexa though, she found herself sneaking off to Lexa's room more often than not. She did make sure it was late at night when she knew nobody would really notice, and secretly although she wouldn't admit it, the secrecy of it all gave her a thrill.

"Now that we are at some kind of peace, even if it's just temporary, do you find our people fit enough for us to be able to stray?"

"Our duties as leaders will never end, Clarke. Even when we are lucky enough to be at peace."

"Lexa." She wants the girl to see that for once she doesn't have to be lonely, that as leaders they can still be together, and that things don't always have to hurt.

"This isn't ever going to last, so why do you have to want this so badly?"

"Because I," Clarke knows she shouldn't continue the sentence but the words come out of her mouth before she even has a chance to stop them and she wishes with everything inside of her that she could sew her mouth together but it's been a long time coming. "I love you."

"Please don't say love isn't relevant to us again, stop denying yourself everything that involves a little vulnerability."

"Okay." She can faintly see a single tear streaming down Lexa's face, so she quite literally jogs over to her and cradles her face with the palms of her hands before swiping away the tear with her thumb.

"Imagine us being girlfriends," Clarke giggles, almost as if she were a little girl again, the image playing vividly in her mind. She imagines Abby almost killing Lexa due to everything that's happened, and Bellamy, Octavia and Raven doing the big brother and best friends act but most of all, she imagines them being happy. In that moment she realises there's nothing she would love more.

"Girlfriends? I do not understand." Lexa is wearing this adorable confused face and it makes Clarke genuinely smile, she sometimes forgets they grew up in an entirely different way, whilst she was living in peace up on the Ark, Lexa happened to be down here training with many other nightbloods before then taking the responsibility of Commander on.

"Lexa kom Triku, will you," before continuing she leans in to press a chaste kiss to Lexa's lips, to give her an example of what the term meant, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips. "be my girlfriend?" She realises it's a bit sudden but if Lexa's going to know the definition of the term, she wants to use the explanation of it as much to her advantage as she can.

"I think I'd like that." And maybe it isn't everything they've ever dreamed of, maybe they've fantasised about it going completely differently, maybe that's how they would've chosen for it to go if they could choose every minuscule detail but none of that actually matters because their someday is here and neither of them are willing to give up their opportunity for another day that will never be guaranteed.

Their fate will never be certain, things will always get in the way but the only thing that is certain is that; they are soulmates. In every single universe they'll meet, gain a new story, a new beginning, middle and end and so many of them will end in a fairytale like way and others will end in the inevitable happening way too soon. Their ending in this lifetime is still to be determined but one thing that isn't is the fact that they'll one day share a bondage ceremony in the middle of this city, they call home. Polis.


End file.
